The Day I Swerved My Car

Today was just a normal day at first. I did everything I normally do. I woke up, drank coffee, did my makeup, and got dressed. Everything was completely normal until I was on my way to work. I was watching the road ahead of me. Suddenly, a squirrel jumps out in the road and in front of my car. Now, that might not sound quite so out of the ordinary. And it wasn’t. What was strange is what happened after I swerved out of the way. The squirrel jumped up onto the hood of my car and just kinda stood there and stared at me, but I swear it had some odd look on its face. I slowed way down and finally, it jumped off and scampered away…Weird right? Anyway, on with the day.

Well, how nice was that? Most of those humans would just run me over. Why not? One of them ran over my cousin last week. But not this human!! She swerved right out of the way. I will protect her with my life. I think I love her. I must find her. I MUST FIND HER!! My love! My protector! I will find you!!!!!

Ughh, there he is again. Jared. The office idiot who hits on every girl that accidentally makes eye contact with him. I made that mistake once and now he winks and says hello in that dopey annoying voice of his. Jared isn’t the type a girl might be afraid of. He’s just an idiot. And when I say idiot…I mean idiot. He’s big and oafish. His face looks like he took one too many hits in the head when he played high school football. I think it’s safe to say those were his golden years. (If you can even call them that.) Now, he’s walking down the hall towards me with his head down. I slip into a room and wait until he passes to continue down the hall. I seriously cannot roll my eyes hard enough for that man.

sniff sniff Yep! This is definitely the car. The tire marks smell the same as what I caught a whiff of earlier. I follow the tire marks down the road, being very careful and watching for cars because I wasn’t likely to get lucky twice. It is going to be a long tedious journey. Blood, sweat, and tears are probably going to be involved…is that family eating their lunch?? I must investigate. Squirrel out.

I have been avoiding Jared all day. First in the hallway, then the break room trying to get coffee, the meeting, and now trying to leave. I’m convinced he is waiting outside, and I refuse to leave. Bonus, I get some nice overtime. Ugh, ok fine! I’m going. Can’t avoid horrible things forever. I cracked my door open and wasn’t immediately harassed, so I guess that was a good sign. I slung my bag over my shoulder and stepped out, closed my door behind me, and stepped into the hallway. I didn’t see him, so I made a run for it. I can’t believe it! I actually managed to get away without having to talk to Jared today. Of course, I would probably pay for it tomorrow. He would probably ask me out (or do something cringy) for Valentine’s Day. I shivered. Now that would be something akin to torture. One might say it would be like a horror movie. A pig going to the slaughter. Getting stuck on a rollercoaster when you are afraid of heights. Eating the most disgusting food you can think of. Being strapped to a bomb set to explode in about thirty-two seconds. OK! Ok, I’m done! Really, I could have gone on listing those things all the way home but it was making me shiver so much I was about to swerve off of the road.

AHH! That was her car! I know it was! But where is she going?! Ugh, I ate too much! I can’t possibly get up and follow her. Hmmmmm what to do? What to do?? AH! Sleep. Wait and see if she comes back this way tomorrow and follow her then. But what if she needs me tonig…(squirrel had fallen asleep.)

Remember how I said I was going to pay for not speaking to Jared yesterday? WELL, I WAS RIGHT! He stopped me in the hallway this morning. I made the mistake of walking with my head down and I ran into him. Giving him the excuse to touch my shoulders. He said something stupid like…
“Oh, good thing I didn’t have coffee. It would have been like one of those cute Hallmark moments.”
“Yeah, thank goodness you didn’t,” was the only thing I could think to say.
That must have startled him enough for me to get away because soon enough I was in my office. I managed to avoid him until lunch when he tried to ask me if I wanted to go with him to grab a bite, which I managed to evade.
I opened my window that afternoon because it was an oddly warm and beautiful February day. I was very productive too. Mainly because I was too scared I would bump into Jared if I came out to procrastinate. Buuuuut, all good things must come to an end. Someone knocked on my door and like an idiot, I told them to come in without asking if it was Jared so I could jump out the window if it was. But now that he was in the room that would have been totally rude. Guess what? He asked me out. But it wasn’t in the cute Hallmark way he was blabbing about earlier. (Insert eye roll here.) It was more like a trainwreck you can’t look away from. I want to say he implied I should pay for the meal or better yet have him over to my place and cook dinner for him at my place for him. But to be honest I wasn’t really paying much attention. I was too busy plotting how I could politely jump out of the window. That is until a squirrel jumped into the window and straight at Jared’s face. I swear it was the same squirrel I almost hit. I don’t know how I knew that. Maybe it was the intense eye contact we had, but whatever, back to the good stuff.
The squirrel straight up attacked Jared. He was all over his face and his body. I think he even made it down his shirt at one point. I swear to you I have never heard a grown man scream like such a girl. It was the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. The squirrel was running all over him making high pitched scratchy noises, and Jared was dancing around like a drunken flamingo. I tried for a second (only a second) to contain my laughter, but after that, I just went for it. Jared eventually had the bright idea to move out of my office, and as he passed through the threshold the squirrel jumped off and closed the door behind him. It then turned to me and I thought for a moment it was going to attack me for almost hitting it. It jumped at me like it did Jared, but it just nuzzled against my neck.
“Thanks, little buddy.”
It made some sort of affectionate squirrel noise and nuzzled my hand until I pet him.
“I’m going to call you Gus.”
And that is how our friendship started. Gus never leaves my side, and I have to admit, I never really want him to. Jared has never spoken to me again since the squirrel attack. Thank heavens. He won’t even make eye contact with me, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. He hasn’t even asked a single girl out from the office since that day. I think Gus scared him out of his very limited wits. Serves him right. I think it is safe to say that the office, and my entire life, have been different ever since the day I swerved my car.

This is the first of five stories I will be posting. The link to the prompt that inspired this story will be below if you want to check it out. Also, my friend Cassie will be launching her blog this Friday if you want to read her interpretation of the story. I always find it fascinating how different our stories come out. Stay tuned for the rest of the prompts!! I hope you like them as much as I do. 🙂

Click Here to check out Cassie’s blog and read her interpretation of this prompt!


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